Week 2 Mini-Update

Hello there, gentlemen! I know what you are thinking.....thanks for the update this week, slack-ass! I had considered letting this week go without an update, but it's Saturday night and I have a little time before bedtime as the Commish has to be up in the morning for the "Race for the Cure" (saving breasts is very high up on the Commish's priority list!).
While I've got you all together I thought we'd play a little game. It's called NFL QB Roll-Call. It's easy.....when I call out something that relates to your team, you sit down! Here we go:
If your team has 2 losses, have a seat. Yeah, that means you Bradford and Favre....rookies are just as accountable as vets! Whoa....did you sit down Romo???? I thought this was your year? Huh, maybe not. If your team has one loss, grab some pine. Geez, the ENTIRE NFC East? Was this not supposed to be the toughest division in football? Who else sat down? Manning and Brady?!?! It's getting pretty thin in here. You know what that means, don't you? If you are one of the 8 QBs still standing, then your team in undefeated.
Ok, if your team is not from a blue collar midwestern town, be seated. Just you two still standing???? Well, I guess only one of you will still be standing after Monday night and my money is on the goofy looking farmer boy with the weird looking bangs! How 'bout the Bears!!!!!
Alright, enough grab-ass. Let's get to this weeks awards. Here's how things looked from where I sat..................
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Stud of the Week
This week's stud came at the expense of everyone's favorite author (yeah....me) as Andy absolutely rolled and came damn close to the all-time high score of 242. Team Trauma played the match-ups to a tee as 5 of his guys played either OAK, BUF, or DET (and they capitalized!). 4 of his players scored over 28 capped off by a 50 point day from Schaubb (somebody must have pissed him off by telling him he looked like Beaker from the Muppets!). The Commish was actually the 3rd highest scorer this week, but that matters little when you catch a dick-to-the-face like I did this week! The Commish was trying to throw deck chairs off the Titantic and it was a bit too little, and a lot too late!
Here's how the Commish felt during this week's contest.....


Nice man purse and whip, Andrew!
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Dud of the week
For the second week in a row, one of the new guys is the dud of the week! Looks like I brought in some dead money this year! Hey....at least you guys get to play each other this week, so you can't both lose! Luckily for Sean (as this is the only team he would have beaten this week....oops, my bad, he would have beaten Wes by .35 points!) Nooner could BARELY top 90 points! Look at that line-up!!!! Thank God for QBs, huh, Bill? Eight (yes......8 of 11) of his player failed to score more than 9.3 points and his third highest scorer was his kicker! Should I start getting that shit-squad prize engraved with your name William? I haven't seen someone get knocked on their ass that hard since this.......


Hey Bill, nice white shorts!
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Fut the Whuck of the Week
Our second Whuck comes to us courtesy of the Coker Clan that pilots team Flacco. Let me ask you guys a question.....is that Felix Jones in your 2nd RB slot? Let me ask you another question.....is that Ladianian Tomlinson on your bench? One more question......do you know you lost by less than 4 points? Why would you play Jones against the Bears and leave LT on the bench???? Fut the Whuck! 1-1 sure would look better than 0-2 right now. I'm sure your uncle/brother/uncle appreciated that charity W!
Just for that....you are all gonna be subjected to the world worst song/video starring (who else), the world's best bench RB............


I don't like that call....not a very good call (genious!). Christ on a cross.......that is horrible!!!!!
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Well, that's it for this week boys....the Commish has to hit the hay. Good luck to all this week. I'm out of here like Kenny McKinley...........Really, Ken???? You had to go out like that? So what if your knee was blown out and you may never play ball again. There are 300 million people in this country that have to go to work every day to make a living.....it can be done, my man. You took the coward's way out, and for that, you get zero compassion from the Commish. (That might be too heavy of a way to end things, huh?)

OK........................Get ready for Monday night Bears fans.....it's gonna be a fun one! Two team enter, and only one leaves as division leader!