Week 9 Update.

Well, here we go with yet another week, boys. Another week, another disappointing showing from the Chicago Bears. The Cardinals came to town and didn't even come close to letting the Bears off the hook this time. The Bears may indeed be who we thought they were, and that may be a decent, non-playoff team. The defense is no longer elite (I'm sure of it since I saw Louie drop them in another league!) and the offense is average at best. Better bounce back this Thursday in the City by the Bay or it's gonna be time to start scheduling rounds of golf! Alright, enough complaining, let's talk some fantasy football! Here's how things looked from where I sat.......
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In our first contest, the Commish got the better of Wes to get back over .500 and vault himself into 3rd place (for those of you keeping track of the Commish's three leagues...that would put him in 1st, 1st, and 3rd) while adding to the overall point league. The Utes posted 216 pts as Cutler and Schaub continued tallying monster weeks even as their teams lost. Mike Sims-Walker ate up the Chiefs like some Kansas City BBQ (the sole slaw is dee-lish!) and Ced Benson continued to prove that he may be the best 6th round selection of all-time and a must start against anybody (didn't some team give up on him a few seasons ago????). Wes got a firm performance from his guys lead by Julius Jones who ran for 23 pts (it was against the Lions, Wesley, so don't get too excited about the Orange One!). But, in the end, Wes ended up like Daffy Duck after having stole Elmer Fudd's shotgun, only to have it fire backwards into his own face. Good idea, Wes.....but poor execution!
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The projected score for our second face off was 147-133. The final? 147-134...those guys are scary good at projecting points sometimes. Anyways, the newly named (finally!) Crash Jensen was able to hold off Cadillacin' as Don moved to 5-4 and Robert put a hammer lock on 11th place. Crash (if you don't know him, google it....great team name!) got a colossal game from Warner as he exposed the Bears secondary for the sieve that it is and totaled nearly a third of Crash's total points. The Bears DBs looked like Manu Ginobili swatting at that bat that was flying around at the Spur's game last week. The only difference is that Manu actually ended up knocking something down!
Cadillacin' finished right about where a team should finish when its starting RBs are Beanie Wells and Carnell Williams and the highest point total outside of a QB comes from the Atlanta defense who put up 20 points (thank you, Redskins "offense"). This team gets me about as excited as Stan Van Gundy during pre-game introductions!

Hey, Coach. Can I get you a "5 Hour Energy"...........or a defibrillator????????
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In the "Lead Pipe Lock-of-the-Week" matchup, Kos blew out Sweat despite down days from hot TE pick-up Fred Davis (apparently sticking around in Washington and working during the bye week is worth 3.6 pts......If you guys didn't know this already, Matthew Berry is an entertainer, not a fantasy expert. His advice blows!) and the San Diego senior citizen, LaDanian Tomlinson. LenDale White is laughing at Tomlinson's per carry average. LT...it might be time to join the AARP!
I'm not sure what to say about Team mb3 anymore. When I think about teams in this league that only have one starting QB on their rosters, I kinda feel like Joe-Pa when somebody is trying to explain the Wildcat formation to him. "The What-Cat?" "The Wildcat, Mr. Paterno." "No, I don't like cats! Beat it, junior!". Enough about this fiasco!
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In our fourth tilt, Sean was able to fend off Sunto for a 151-136 triumph. Team Ahmad Bradshaw (sweet ass name!) got overall lifeless outings from most of his squad including Orton and Megatron. Then, when Austin Collie decided to do the funky chicken after getting his head bounced off the field turf in Indy, it was pretty clear that this was not to be Sunto's day. Good thing for Sean that he got a 40 pt monster from Chris Johnson this week because he got just 1.3 from Moreno and zilch from the Bear Defense. Still, Team Hibachi (don't think I forgot about your ban...I just had to use this clip for you!) got solid play from the QBs and used some other measures in order to pull out the conquest. What other measures, you wonder? There are some video clips available on some of the cheap-shot king's more notable moves (every time you hear or see Elizabeth Lambert...just think, Sean Welling!).


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DewDriver was able to move up to 5th place thanks to his victory over the ingeniously named, Brandon Jacobs. Andy survived in spite of slow days from his QBs and his big-play threat, DeSean Jackson, who only had a 4 spot on the day. The win was due in large part to Vinny Jax (again with this guy......certified fantasy stud!) and the Golden Ticket punched by Greg Olsen as he brought home 3 TDs in the Bears defeat. There hasn't been that much buzz about an Olsen since Mary-Kate got caught up in the Heath Ledger scandal in 2008. So.......if Heath was just a friend, why did the dude that found his body call you TWICE before he called 911? I smell a cover up....and heroin.
Bobby got superb games from Brees, Marshall, the PIT defense, and Mike Wallace (that guy, again!), but was hurt by off days from his RBs as all three totaled just over 20 pts combined. The biggest failure, however, came as Bobby continues to throw Jake Delhomme out as a starting QB! Why is ANYBODY playing Delhomme at this point in the season? The guy has thrown for 5 TDs this season....Brady did that in one quater a few weeks ago! I'm as confused with that selection as I am when I listen to Ozzie Guillen explain life in the clubhouse........

......wait, Ozzie...........
You're not "A" Jose Canseco? Are there more than one Jose Canseco-s?????
It's not baby doll or blow doll....it's a "blow-up" doll!
What's a cloo-house????
What did you say after "this is my 30 years"????
Only 3 people know you because they whip you everyday????
Holy crap.....somebody get me an English to Spanish-gibberish interpreter!
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In the last game of the week, The Burner headed into Monday night down by 40 pts to Bulldogs. Chris received excellent days from his starting RBs of DeAngelo and Addai , but had uncharacteristically bad numbers from Flacco and McNabb which forced him to sit uncomfortably and watch as Styx still had 4 players to go on Monday. There must have been an outstanding inspirational speech given before that game, because Styx hammered out nearly 80 points during the Monday night-er to come away with a 208-170 win! As a matter of fact, rumors are that the anchor of Styx's team, Mike Vick, didn't emerge from the locker room after the speech. I wonder what could've happened?..........................

Styx: A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms. Enthusiasms, enthusiasms... What are mine? What draws my admiration? What is that which gives me joy? Fantasy Football! A man, a man stands alone at the keyboard. This is the time for what? For individual achievement. There he stands alone. But in the field, what? Part of a team. Teamwork... Looks, throws, catches, hustles. Part of one big team. Scores himself the live-long day. MJD, Big Ben, and so on. If his team don't score... what is he? You follow me? No one. Sunny day, the stands are full of fans. What does he have to say? I'm goin' out there for myself. But... I get nowhere unless the team wins.

Damn, Mike.........maybe you should've worn your helmet for that speech!
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Well, that's it for this week, boys. There are currently 6 teams sitting at 5-4 with 4 weeks to play until the playoffs are set. So keep plugging away with your team and get things right before week 14 gets here. I'm out of here like Tommie Harris after throwing a punch at a Cardinals lineman (that still had his helmet on!) on Sunday. Nice move, dip-shit....at least you hit something before getting ejected!

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And I have a very personal "I'm outta here" this week.......... I'm outta hear like that dude that thought it would be a good idea to point a gun at a couple of guys from my unit last Friday night! (Who's the good looking dude at 0:55 in the black uniform with "POLICE" on the back????)

That dude is now dead.......So long, fuckface!
By the way Don, I think you're right about the Crypt Keeper (pause the video at 1:45 and compare/contrast. Fucking crazy!).....................
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