oys, I made it home safely from a trip to the Windy City where I got to watch the Bears take it to the hapless Brownie
s as 3 other unnamed players from this very league annoyed and pestered me to the point where I needed to be blind drunk in order to enjoy their company. I came home a couple of pounds heavier and missing my trusty travel grill that was unceremoniously destroyed by a less talented and jealous fantasy manager. Hey...does anybody smell raw hamburger???? And where did the rest of my Maker's go???? Anyways...enough with the inside jokes. Let's get to some football...here's how things looked from where I sat....--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In matchup number one, the commish took one on the chin as Chris came through with
enough points on Monday night to send the Utes back down to .500. Lackluster performances from Cutler, Schaub, and Sims-"Get-Me-A-"Walker wasted monsters from Hightower, Harvin, and Gore. The big blow to the Mighty One, however, came as every-week, no-question starter at TE, Owen Daniels, was carted off the field after trying to scratch his inner thigh with his ankle. Hope you have fond memories of all those leaping catches, big man, b
ecause you won't be doing that again for a long, long time!C
hris had solid days from most of his squad capped off with McNabb and DeAngelo flexing for huge days against worthy opponents. But was that Torry Holt in their as your flex play???? What is this, the year 2000????? Nice play! Why don't you clear a spot on your bench for Ed McCaffery and Eric Moulds...I believe they are sitting by their phones. Better get that flex spot right before playoff time...the commish has his lineup ready to roll come week 14!------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The second contest end with two teams 10 points apart and both with records of 4-4 as "The Battle of the Original Fantasy Names" pitted Jason Campbell against Brandon Jacobs. Hey fellas, the
Screen Writer's Guild just phoned me here in the home office and wondered if you two were available to fly to L.A. and do some creative writing for the comeback attempt that is going to be made of Cop Rock...that sh
ow could use of couple of imaginative guys like yourselves! Anyways, Bobby posted a solid score on the arm of Brees and the legs of Wayne. His team was hurt, however, as his RBs had their usual ho-hum performances and Marshall and Scheffler took the Broncos/Ravens game off to head over to Mick O'Shea's for a few cold ones while they were in Baltimore.Don brought home the victory with a steadfast outing from his whole squad topped with immense games from Forte (although it was against Cleveland) and The Sanchise, Mark Sanchez. Mark proved after a good day against a good defense that Oakland isn't the only place where he can say, "Ask me about my wiener!".
Excuse me, Mark....but do you happen to have any Grey Poupon????
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In our "Excuse me, but this game must be played" contest, Robert was able to comfortably
triumph over the woeful mb3 crew. Sweat again rolled with a QB that didn't play and got sorry days from Fitz, Lance Moore, the Arizona D, and Marshawn Lynch. Is it just me, or does Lynch look like his face was on fire and somebody tried to put i
t out with a fork???? In any case, Robert was able to take advantage of Sweat's disgusting bunch and move his team up to 2-6 on the year on the shoulders of S-Jax finally having a big day and the rest of his troop scoring respectable numbers. Robert has manged to build up a semi-decent lineup lately, but, as of now, this once promising manager has gone the way of global warming, acid rain, and methane gas....sounded scary to begin with, but never really did anything devastating.------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Our fourth contest was a 46 point win by the Maker's Mark spiked DewDriver over the
absolute worst 4-4 club ever assembled, captained by none other than Styx. Driver got consistent games from nearly his whole squad (minus his kicker, whom never seems to get him anything other than a prize collection of goose eggs!) and another week of over-projected scores from the red-hot Favre and Vinny Jax. This was a good effort from a good team.......and then there was The Burner! Eight players that scored in the single digits including two (yes, two!) QBs that combined for 10.69 pts. If not
for two RBs in Jones-Drew and Turner that scored more than half of the team's total, we may have seen a record low day from the smoldering Burner. Styx has gone from fantasy dominance to fantasy doormat right in front of our eyes. Hey, Stumps, I've got Jeff Fisher on the line. He wants to talk to you about how easy it is to go from first to worst! "Hey Jeff? It's Jeff. Keep your head up buddy. Better days are ahead...." Wait a minute. Who was talking to who there? Fisher to Coker or Coker to Fisher? I guess that conversation explains why Styx was recently sited wearing a Johnny Utah jersey. Because he wanted to feel like a winner!------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Our next tilt was a laugher as Magic Johnson (finally a name change....take note all you other lazy bastards!) scrubbed the toilet with Rug Dr's face. Sean continued rolling with superior
QB, WR (T.O. and Mike Thomas????? Didn't need them against Wes, but it worked real good for your overall points!), and DEF plays along with another stout effort from 
CJ....better get those other 2 RBs right,though, Sean,...the playoffs are right around the corner and Moreno and Bush ain't gonna cut the turd around here! By the way, you owe me a new charcoal grill!!!! You are banned from the updates from here on OUT until I receive a replacement travel-buddy! This "accident" was a travesty! That grill had been to more Bears games with me than anybody except Andy! Pay up...or stay down!On a different note, I'm not going to even go into Wes' team....ok, maybe a little! His second QB was Kellen Clemens (who wasn't even as good of a play this week as Kerry
Collins or Kevin Curtis 
or the KC defense) and he had only three players that scored over 12 poi
nts. Nice effort, Wes. With this latest destruction, Wes moves into a dominate position to attempt a feat that I don't believe has ever been completed before. That feat would be to finish dead last in this league in back-to-back seasons! Keep it up, Wesley. The Kansas City Royals, New York Knicks, and Oakland Raiders are cheering for you (but only because they want a perennial loser to add to their list!).------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Our final challenge of the week was a battle for the top spot in the league and a strong hold on the $100 regular season champ prize. This, however, didn't turn out to be much of a competition as That Guy put a 50+ point stomping on Ahmad Bradshaw (witty team name!). Kos manged to overcome a .3 pts from the recently ousted Steve Slaton as the rest of his squad brought home the bacon (Good thing for that #1 priority, huh, Kos?). Sunto got suck-ass days from his whole team as he apparently forgot to check the Sunday inactives and left Mega-Sprain in his lineup. Barely breaking 100 pts in a 2 QB league is NOT championship worthy, Sunto! This beating made me think back to another famous beating............(Scene starts with Kos walking into a bar where Utah is trying to eject Sunto who is sitting with Rivers, Orton, Collie, Hester, Sidney Rice, Bradshaw, Ronnie Brown, Vernon Davis, Megatron, Tynes, and the New Orleans D)
Utah: Fellas, you's ain't dressed properly and you're gonna have to leave.
Sunto: Properly? What's wrong with the way we're dressed?
Utah: Kos, these gentlemen ain't dressed right. I asked them to leave.
Kos: Is there a problem here?
Sunto: The problem is your man here says we not properly dressed like our money ain't green. We just want a couple of beers.
Kos: A few beers? That's it?
Sunto: That's it. We'll be on our way. We ain't looking for trouble.
Kos: Spoken like a gentleman. Give them the beers, huh.
Sunto: Appreciate it.
Kos: No problem.
..................
Sunto: Alright, brothers, if I may. A toast to our host. In the name of the father, and the son, and the holy ghost!
Kos: Hey!
Sunto: Oh, you again, huh?
Kos:That wasn't very nice. Now you's gotta leave.
Sunto: I'll tell you when the fuck we leave, alright? Get the fuck away from here.
Kos: Now you's can't leave.
Utah: (I will never forget the look on their faces. All eleven of them, their faces dropped. All their courage and strength was drained right from their bodies. They had a reputation for breaking up fantasy teams, but they knew that instant they made a fatal mistake. This time they walked into the wrong fantasy team.)
****Kos charges into the bar room with Rogers, Ryan, Cribbs, Driver, Housh, Slaton, LT, Zach Miller, Ray Rice, Gould, and the Miami D as they proceed to beat the hell out of Team Bradshaw****
Kos: Look at me! I'm the one who did this to you. Remember me!.......You ruined my whole fucking lunch!
Damn, Sunto....you might want to find a new place to go drinking!
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Well, that's it for this week boys! The separation between playoff quality teams and Toilet Bowl quality teams are beginning to take shape, but don't slip because that line isn't quite drawn yet. I'm out of here like Larry Johnson after a few choice Tweets towards my head coach. Nice play, douchebag! Anybody know a good place to buy a house in Oakland????
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