gain, boys. Two weeks of the playoffs down and one left. This makes the Commish forlorn because after this week, it will be another seven months before we reconvene for the inaugural live draft in the Bearbackers league. This has been a season of great hope, great letdowns, and great triumphs in both this league and in the real world. As for the letdowns, the economy continues to struggle and has affected many of our lives both emotionally and financially (hopefully that turns around since the buy-in is increasing to $100 next year...and you know I require t
hat cash, pre-draft!). Our country continues to be mired in (in this writer's opinion) a needle
ss, self-serving war that is still claiming the lives of some of our bravest young men and women. And, of course, Jay Cutler has decided that throwing passes to the other team is way cooler than hitting the receivers wearing the same colored jersey as he is! Is there any way to call a "do-over" on that trade, cuz I would really like to have Orton and next year's first round pick rather than a record setting pick-chucker! Damn, Jay, at least act like you care and stop acting like you'd rather be posted up on a bar stool shooting Jack and trying to score tail! This is the NFC North....which, in Cutler's world, apparently stands for No Fucking Chaser! On the positive side, though, many of us have a great variety of things to be thankful 
for this year. Some of us have settled into new jobs, a handful have started new relationships or moved old relationships to new levels, I believe all of us continue to be su
rrounded by caring and wonderful family and friends (eat that, Tiger!), and a few of us even welcomed new additions to our families (although I'm not sure how many more Welling boys this world can handle!.....could somebody have a girl already????) As we move into Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, take some time to think back on all the good times over the past year (like the "Mustache Party" that the Commish had the privilege of attending last weekend....is it me or do I look a lot like Junior from Reno 911!) and try to forget the bad times. Remind yourself that this league is about fantasy football and that this is not the most vital aspect in our lives. However.........it is absolutely fucking awesome that I am as good as I am at this game!!!! Alright, alright.....enough with the intro.......let's get back to talking about the Semi-Final playoff games! Here's how things looked (sadly) from where I sat..... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Our first semi-final matchup really put the Holy into the holidays....as in, "Holy, shit. Can you believe the score of that matchup?". Sean treated Chris as his personal bitch as he rolled to a 241-108 victory. A 133 point win!!!! This was an ass-whoopin' of epic proportions as Se
an's squad did whatever they wanted to Chris and he couldn't do a damn thing about it. Tomy Romo gave Chris the "Rear Admiral" (When getting Chris from behind (with both partners standing), Tony makes sure he doesn't let Chris grab onto anything when he is bent over. Then, Tony drives his hips into Chris' backside so that the momentum pushes him forward. The goal is to push him into a wall or table, or have him trip and fall on his face. Tony attains the status of Admiral when he can push Chris around the room without crash
ing into anything and not using his hands to grab onto Chris' hips.) by putting up 32. Peyton Manning delivered 46 and a "Dog in the Bathtub" (This is the proper name for when Peyton attempted to insert his nuts into a Chris' ass. It is so named because it can be just as hard as keeping a dog in the tub while giving it a bath.). Miles Austin brought home 29 points and a "Houdini" for Chris (this maneuve
r is accomplished while going at it doggy style. As Miles feels he is about to cum, he pulls out and spits on the small of Chris' back....making him think Miles is finished....It's at the point when Chris turns around when *BAM!* Miles busts a load in Chris' face! Abracadabra!). Jamal Charles got in on the act by scoring 35 and loosening Chris up wit
h an "Angry Dragon" (This involves Chris giving Jamal a blowjob and when Jamal is about to blow, he karate-chops Chris in the throat, causing him to shoot gizz out of his nose!). Even Fred Davis came to the party by nearly doubling his projected points and per
forming my personal favorite, the "Tony Danza" (When Fred is about to cum while doing Chris from behind, he says "Who's the Boss?" and sticks it in Chris' ass. Before Chris says anything, Fred shouts "TONY DANZA!" and punches Chris in the back of the head!).Jesus, Chris, you must have been pretty damn sore come Tuesday morning, cuz that was one long, hard fuckin' you just got!!!!!!
As for Chris' team, everyone on his team under-produced with the exception of McNabb and his kicker. His fate was sealed by the time DeAngelo limped to the sideline after injuring his ankle and all hope was lost when the skyrocketing numbers being put up by old man Favre finally came crashing back down to Earth. Things were not well on the streets of Toledo after the embarrassing loss that Chris endured. Just check out this video from Chris' shift later that night!........
I hope you didn't ask for anything special for Christmas, Chris. Because the only thing you are getting is an IA investigation!
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In our second semi-final, down was up and up was down as Styx spat in the face of conventional wisdom in order to send the Commish to the 3rd place game as he triumphed 182-115. This was another matchup that never got to the point of even being close and the Commish's run of playoff upsets ended at just one. The week started off very well for Stumps as MJD and Dallas Clark took the Thursday night game by storm and propelled Styx to a 61+ point lead going into the weeken
d. But hope sprung up for the Commish when Michael Turner left his game after one carry, Mike Vick did was he always does and posted less than one point, and Ryan Longwell was apparently kicking at the wrong goalposts as he scored -1. Three guys on a playoff team scoring .5 points...easy victory for the other team, right? Nope...dead wrong! I mean, who needs 2 QBs when your #1 QB puts up 500 yards and 3 TDs coming out to a total of 52 fantasy points! A Fifty-Burger with extra cheese! But still, wouldn't the other squad still have a chance
???? Nope! The Commish trotted out a lineup in 
which 9 of the 11 players scored 14 points or less featuring a starting QB that tallied a 3.36! Thank you, Jay. Why don't you take a dip in Lake Michigan...I hear the water's great this time of the year! And while you are on the way, can you pick up some Quik-crete, a pair of tight-fitting work boots, two buckets, and a roll of butcher's twine. Oh, and Scott Peterson needs a ride....would you mind swinging by and picking him up? This was an unmitigated disaster for Team Utah at the most inopportune time. You know what I mean don't you, Miss South Carolina?????It sure is a good thing that we're both good looking, cuz we both made some bad decisions during critical moments! I guess 3rd place will have to suffice until next season when the Commish gets to wow you all again with his fantasy knowledge!
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Well, that's it for this week boys. I hope everyone has a great Christmas and and enjoyable holiday season. There will be one more update next week and then you all are going to have to suffer through the rest of winter and the spring before you get to read my poignant prose again....enjoy them while they last! I gotta get going and get a few last minute gifts wrapped up so I will talk to you next week. I'm outta here like Tommy Kelly's pants...get a belt, my man!
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