Week 12 Update

Welcome back to the update, boys. It was kind of an up-and-down week for the Commish this week as the Bears lost yet another game in embarrassing fashion and no longer even appear on the "in-the-hunt" column for the playoff picture. On the other hand, the Commish enjoyed spending another Thanksgiving with family and friends at Casa de Sunto followed by a few drinks (or more than a few) at John's Corner Bar. Also, on the positive side, the Commish was able to wrap up a year long tourney with a 6 point effort on Sunday night and use a generous donation of $550 from 19 other players to earn a seat at the 2010 World Series of Poker in Vegas. I would like to send out a thank you to Chris who was one of the donatees......how'd that A-Q suited work out against my holed crowns????? Ah, there's always next year kid!
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In our first game of the week, the Commish took another loss on the chin, Racheal Roxx style, as Robert rolled to a 19 point win. The Utes got great days from rookie sensation "Never Nervous" Percy Harvin, the San Diego D, and Timmy Hightower (who just keeps coming back week after week, kinda like the Hightower in the Police Academy movies.........soon Timmy will be ripping the front seat out of his compact car and start driving from the back seat!) but was undone again by Cutler who threw his 20th INT in 11 games. Can somebody get that guy a GPS and/or some lasik surgery????
On Robert's side, his rag-tag band of WRs all had decent days to help pick up Carson Palmer who came up with a major disappointment against the JV team from Cleveland. But the majority of Robert's points came from fantastic days from (of all people) Alex Smith and Fred Jackson. Never in my wildest dreams would I have guessed those two guys would be the two players to beat me. On my list of guesses, Alex Smith and Fred Jackson would have fallen just below James Todd Smith (Ladies Love Cool James!) and Alan Jackson as a "Smith/Jackson" duo that would send me to 6-6! Damn it!
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In our next faceoff, Sean gave Andy a loss that was reminiscent of the 73-0 spanking that the 1940 Chicago Bears gave to the Washington Redskins in the NFL Championship game (you were at that game, weren't you, Sean?). Sean had 6 players that scored over 20 points each which was plenty to compensate for an off day from Ocho-Cinco. Wait a minute.... shouldn't his name really be Ochenta-y-Cinco???? Child, please! This victory was enough to send Sean sailing into first place with only one week to go in the regular season....only the dream killers from Team Bulldog (more on that later) stand in the way of Sean's guaranteed $100 for the regular season championship.
Andy had quite an off week as his squad managed inferior days on almost all fronts (minus the resurgent VY) capped off with the slotting in of Daunte Culpepper as a starting QB. Dude, don't you have a computer? A TV? A radio? Stafford started and was announced as the starter about an hour before game time. Call the Commish if you are in a tight spot...I can change lineups. This move left me scratching my head about as much as when Rafeal Furcal was asked about Manny Rameriez coming back from suspension...........................

Ok, Raffy just a few questions about your interview.
1. Everybody is happy to get Manny's bag????
2. You are in THE 4th place???? Who is in THE 3rd place?
3. What in the world does "Everyone wants something to know" mean?????
4. What in the holy hell do you say in the last 16 seconds of this clip after the reporter asks you if it's difficult to do??????????

Man, I love these Spanish baseball player clips! Hours of entertainment!
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Wes was able to secure his 5th win of the year as he battered the auto-pilot team formerly owned by Sweat. This game didn't leave much to be commented on as both teams struggled to get over the 100 point barrier, but it did remind me of two small children playing together and one taking advantage of the other's stupidity..........In this clip, the part of Charley will be played by Wes and the role of the slow, older brother by Sweat. Watch closely at the end as Wes realizes that he got one over on Sweat and snickers menacingly!

You should've learned the first time, Sweat, that anything that goes into Wes' mouth usually gets eaten! WESLEY BIT ME! AND THAT REALLY HURT!
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In the "I don't want to win, you can have it" "No, please be my guest, you can have it" game of the week, Sunto pounded Don into submission in this 118-111 victory! Ring the alarm, sound the horns, bang the gong.....this was an old-fashioned, sent straight from the bowels of hell, shit-burger! 14 players on the combined teams scored in single digits highlighted by the inactive Kurt Warner who drew the start for Don's assembly of fuck-jacks! If this had been a celebrity boxing match, it surely would've been Dustin Diamond (Yeah, Screech from Saved by the Bell) against Ron Palillo (That's right, Horshack from Welcome Back, Kotter). Two weaklings squaring off against one another with one pencilneck just a bit less-feeble than the other cream puff! Do us a favor, gents....next time call this one a draw due to lack of interest/excitement/pulse! By the way, Sunto, Screech won that fight and you "won"this matchup.......I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'!
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In our next matchup, Styx and Bobby squared off in the battle of the Co-Bros (Coker Brothers.....closely related to the Jo-Bros, known better as the Jonas Brothers!). Styx must have felt realllly good heading into Monday night as he had 2 QBs that had combined for .8 pts (hello, Sweat!) and still had Randy Moss to play while sporting a lead of about 47 points. But Bobby (whose first QB had scored a massive .7 when Delhomme threw 21 picks) still had Drew Brees to go. No way Brees outscores moss by 48 points...........right? Allow me to take you through Styx's thought process as this game went along:
TD#1: That's ok....I've got a huge lead and can spare a point or two.
TD#2: Damn, guys, that dude was wide open. How about some defense.
TD#3: Shit....how about putting a body on those receivers!
TD#4: Fuck me!!!! Cover somebody you bunch of overpaid pussies!!!!
TD #5: Well, TD#5 lead to Styx doing this...............................................

Geez, Styx, it was only one game! I mean, it did cost you any shot you had at the league championship and the easy hundo, but did you really need to check the wax job on the floor with your teeth????
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Our last matchup featured the 6-5 Bulldogs against the 8-3 league leader, Kos. Things started off very well on Thanksgiving for Kos as Rogers came out firing with a 43 point day and helped Donald Drivers bring home 29. But that's about where the scoring stopped, as Housh, Cribbs, and Hasselbeck shit all over their bedsheets and the Cincy D could only come away with 6 points against the Clowns.
Chris took advantage of the low-scoring Sunday from Kos as the unlikely trio of Favre, Gates, and Forsett slammed out 110.38 combined points. All totaled, Chris ended up posting 210 pts (watch out, Sean, you're up next!) and left Kos' hope of winning the regular season title hanging from a thread. I'm not sure where you guys are from, but where I'm from, they call that a "choke job"!
Hey....what's that?.....the office phone is ringing.......it's for Kos.........Kos, a few people on the other end of the line would like to thank you........I'll be kind enough to list them for you:
The 2007 Mets would like to thank you for making everyone forget that they blew that 7 game lead with only 16 games left to play.
The 2004 Yanks want to thank you for erasing the memory of them being up 3 games to none in the ALCS and still losing the the Sox.
Greg Norman wants you to give him golf lessons.
Chris Weber thinks you should've taken a time-out.
Steve Bartman wants to give you a mitt and a first row seat at Wrigley.
Warren Moon and the 1992 Oilers want to you to play defensive back.
The 1986 Red Sox were wondering if you've ever played first base.
And Scott Norwood wonders if you would be his holder (laces out!).

For some reason, all those guys seem to think that you make them look good, Kos. After this bitter defeat Kos got together with a few "buddies", had a few drinks, and lamented his recent fall from grace. My camera was there to capture the action! Unfortunately, Kos got so hammered that he kept referring to other fantasy teams in this league by NFL team names, but you get the picture...............................................................

Hey, I sounded pretty good there at the end, didn't I?????
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Well, that's it for this week, boys. One more week to decide who is in the playoffs and who is in the Toilet Bowl. I will keep track of the Toilet Bowl so make sure your lineups are set. But if you're not good enough to get into the playoffs, you aren't good enough to get into the update, either. So get in or get passed over! I'm outta here like Tiger Woods.......Yes, baby. I'm sorry for sleeping with that waitress, but did you have to hit me and the car with that 7 iron?????

Week 10 Update

Time for another week of updates, boys. Another unhappy week, unfortunately as the Bears fell to the '9ers on Thursday to drop to 4-5 and within an inch of being eliminated from playoff consideration (kinda like Wes and Robert). Apparently Cutler mistook INTs for shots of Jack and decided that 4 Jacks weren't enough, he'd better make it 5! Thankfully Kyle Orton went down in the Denver game or there may have been a do-over call on that Cutler trade. Oh well, I guess there's always the UFL....Go, Las Vegas Locomotives! Anyways, we have to get back to some real football...here's how things looked from where I sat.
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The commish was dropped down to 5-5 and as Styx put up a 27 point "W" to head to 6-4. Team Burner rolled with giant games from Moss, MJD (that kneel down was of little consequence), and the Green Bay D (thank you, Romo). There was bad news for Stumps, however, as his team namesake left the game with a high ankle sprain and possibly with any shot that Styx had at the top spot (we will see, but a walking boot is never good news). On the positive side, the Burners finally emerged from its 1 QB slumber and stumbled into a 29 pt day from Marc Bulger to help offset an 11 point day from Big Ben. Talk about a switch-a-roo....that was straight out of 1988's "Vice Versa" starring Fred Savage and Judge Reinholt! (Don't bother renting this movie if you have never seen it....it's a "must-not" see).
The commish, meanwhile, hit the projected point total thanks to Gore and the Baltimore D. However, Ced Benson went out with a Bo Jackson style hip injury (fingers are crossed) and Jay Cutler did his best Vinny Testaverde impression (268 INTs isn't that far off!) to send the commish into 4th place. Forget about it and bounce back, Jay....a fifth should do it!
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In the second game, Sean handed it to the recently contracted mb3 by doubling his score and then some. Sean got "out-of-their-mind" days from Manning, CJ, Bush (Yeah, Reggie Bush), Jamal Charles (thank you, Al Davis), and the Tennessee D (thank you, Trent Edwards). Sean would have been able to best his own highest score if not for a -1 for Folk and very weak days from his entire WR corp. This mattered very little, as it turned out, because Sean got enough from Manning and CJ to beat Sweat's entire squad, setting up what looks to be a Colts-Pats type battle for the regular season championship with Kos.....may I suggest a punt on 4th and 2?
As far as Sweat's team goes....it looks as if that squad is going to go the way of the LA Raiders, LA Rams, Baltimore Colts, St. Louis Cardinals, and the Houston Oilers. The big question is...when those teams were gone, did anybody really miss them????
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In out third tilt of the week, Robert was able to eek out his third victory of the year, much to the chagrin of the now 6th place, DewDriver. Robert was able to succeed besides bad play from his QBs and WRs due to gi-normous games from his version of the Jackson 2, Steven and Fred. Steven scoring 39 and Fred posting 31 was enough to make Team Craig & Dey Dey say "Dammmmmmnnnnnnnn!!!!!". Wait......was that "Friday" or "Next Friday" or "Two Months from now on a Friday"? Who cares, they were all funny.
Andy came home with the point total that was expected of his team, but the replacing of Stafford with VY and a very strange disappearing act put on by Vinny-Jax cost Andy a victory that would have put him atop the log-jam in the middle of the league. There was one thing a bit more strange than Vincent Jackson's one-catch effort of Sunday, and that is the apparent relationship that is going on in the Minnesota locker room between Andy's every-week QB and his coach.........

Whooooooaaaaaaa........Coach, keep that stuff behind closed doors!!!!!!!!
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Brandon Jacobs (brilliant!) handed Bulldogs a big loss this week that sent both teams to 5-5. Chris was seriously hurt by down days from Flacco and Colston and couldn't climb out of those holes even with an inspired 42 pt afternoon from McNabb. I'm sure Chris was expecting more than 9 pts from "Joe-Cool" at Cleveland, but the BAL air-attack was not needed against the hopeless Browns who are currently fighting it out with Detroit, Tampa Bay, and St Louis for the right to draft Tebow, Stafford, or McCoy. Who wants to play in the bitter cold on a bad team with no offensive line and an RB that's going to retire????
Bobby managed to end his losing skid by capitalizing on strong showings from his WRs and the surprising Carolina tandem of Stewart and Delhomme. This was definitely a good day for Bobby, but hopefully he didn't do against Chris what Lee Corso thought Arkansas did last week....................

What do you think, Kirby?
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Kos improved to 8-2 and kept ahold of the league lead with a 169-150 victory over Crash Jensen. Kos scored the win despite awful days from the Oakland duo of Zack Suck-ler and Darren McSuck-en mostly due to surprisingly large totals from Housh and LT. Rumor is when asked what had taken so long to put together good games, Housh and LT were quoted as saying, "We would have done this earlier, but we've been too fucking busy.....or vice versa!" Wait for it.............
Don unfortunately took a cue from his team name and "crashed" this week as two of his WRs scraped up only 2 pts each and Shockey couldn't keep up the torrid pace from the last few weeks as he came back to earth with a 5 pt day. Not to worry though, Crash, as things may be looking up with Warner's easy schedule going forward and the newly-minted starter in Miami appearing to be Ricky Williams. With a few tweaks and a little luck, Don may soon be saying the same thing as the Joker in the original Batman when he said, "Wait til they get a load of me!"...................or maybe not, stay tuned.
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In our last contest, Wes and Sunto squared off and neither team scored enough points to be able to beat anyone but Sweat's squad. Sunto struggled mightily in all facets of the game as only four of his starters were able to muster double digit points. Geez, Sunto, remember when you were in first place? I think I have a new name for your team since you are rolling with the original Ahmad Bradshaw. How about Wile E. Coyote???? You guys have so much in common!!!!!
Somebody was going to come away from this triple-AAA affair with a win and that somebody was Wes who finally put the brakes on his four game losing streak. Wes only had five players breach double digits, but one of those players was Tom Brady, who hit for 375 yards and 3 TDs. Pretty impressive, but not as impressive as Wes, who evidently has been working on the down-low as the host for Sports Soup on Versus.

Where do you find the time, Wes.....and how did you get Sean on your show as the last of the Staten Island kids???? Trust me, if you've never seen Wes, that dude is his exact twin....uncanny!!!!!
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Well, that's it for this week, boys. The playoffs spots and seeds are still far from being settled so keep grinding away. I gotta go...I'm outta here like Dwayne Bowe. Looks like "The Show" must not go on. First LJ and now Bowe. Hail to the Chiefs, indeed!

Week 9 Update.

Well, here we go with yet another week, boys. Another week, another disappointing showing from the Chicago Bears. The Cardinals came to town and didn't even come close to letting the Bears off the hook this time. The Bears may indeed be who we thought they were, and that may be a decent, non-playoff team. The defense is no longer elite (I'm sure of it since I saw Louie drop them in another league!) and the offense is average at best. Better bounce back this Thursday in the City by the Bay or it's gonna be time to start scheduling rounds of golf! Alright, enough complaining, let's talk some fantasy football! Here's how things looked from where I sat.......
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In our first contest, the Commish got the better of Wes to get back over .500 and vault himself into 3rd place (for those of you keeping track of the Commish's three leagues...that would put him in 1st, 1st, and 3rd) while adding to the overall point league. The Utes posted 216 pts as Cutler and Schaub continued tallying monster weeks even as their teams lost. Mike Sims-Walker ate up the Chiefs like some Kansas City BBQ (the sole slaw is dee-lish!) and Ced Benson continued to prove that he may be the best 6th round selection of all-time and a must start against anybody (didn't some team give up on him a few seasons ago????). Wes got a firm performance from his guys lead by Julius Jones who ran for 23 pts (it was against the Lions, Wesley, so don't get too excited about the Orange One!). But, in the end, Wes ended up like Daffy Duck after having stole Elmer Fudd's shotgun, only to have it fire backwards into his own face. Good idea, Wes.....but poor execution!
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The projected score for our second face off was 147-133. The final? 147-134...those guys are scary good at projecting points sometimes. Anyways, the newly named (finally!) Crash Jensen was able to hold off Cadillacin' as Don moved to 5-4 and Robert put a hammer lock on 11th place. Crash (if you don't know him, google it....great team name!) got a colossal game from Warner as he exposed the Bears secondary for the sieve that it is and totaled nearly a third of Crash's total points. The Bears DBs looked like Manu Ginobili swatting at that bat that was flying around at the Spur's game last week. The only difference is that Manu actually ended up knocking something down!
Cadillacin' finished right about where a team should finish when its starting RBs are Beanie Wells and Carnell Williams and the highest point total outside of a QB comes from the Atlanta defense who put up 20 points (thank you, Redskins "offense"). This team gets me about as excited as Stan Van Gundy during pre-game introductions!

Hey, Coach. Can I get you a "5 Hour Energy"...........or a defibrillator????????
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In the "Lead Pipe Lock-of-the-Week" matchup, Kos blew out Sweat despite down days from hot TE pick-up Fred Davis (apparently sticking around in Washington and working during the bye week is worth 3.6 pts......If you guys didn't know this already, Matthew Berry is an entertainer, not a fantasy expert. His advice blows!) and the San Diego senior citizen, LaDanian Tomlinson. LenDale White is laughing at Tomlinson's per carry average. LT...it might be time to join the AARP!
I'm not sure what to say about Team mb3 anymore. When I think about teams in this league that only have one starting QB on their rosters, I kinda feel like Joe-Pa when somebody is trying to explain the Wildcat formation to him. "The What-Cat?" "The Wildcat, Mr. Paterno." "No, I don't like cats! Beat it, junior!". Enough about this fiasco!
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In our fourth tilt, Sean was able to fend off Sunto for a 151-136 triumph. Team Ahmad Bradshaw (sweet ass name!) got overall lifeless outings from most of his squad including Orton and Megatron. Then, when Austin Collie decided to do the funky chicken after getting his head bounced off the field turf in Indy, it was pretty clear that this was not to be Sunto's day. Good thing for Sean that he got a 40 pt monster from Chris Johnson this week because he got just 1.3 from Moreno and zilch from the Bear Defense. Still, Team Hibachi (don't think I forgot about your ban...I just had to use this clip for you!) got solid play from the QBs and used some other measures in order to pull out the conquest. What other measures, you wonder? There are some video clips available on some of the cheap-shot king's more notable moves (every time you hear or see Elizabeth Lambert...just think, Sean Welling!).


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DewDriver was able to move up to 5th place thanks to his victory over the ingeniously named, Brandon Jacobs. Andy survived in spite of slow days from his QBs and his big-play threat, DeSean Jackson, who only had a 4 spot on the day. The win was due in large part to Vinny Jax (again with this guy......certified fantasy stud!) and the Golden Ticket punched by Greg Olsen as he brought home 3 TDs in the Bears defeat. There hasn't been that much buzz about an Olsen since Mary-Kate got caught up in the Heath Ledger scandal in 2008. So.......if Heath was just a friend, why did the dude that found his body call you TWICE before he called 911? I smell a cover up....and heroin.
Bobby got superb games from Brees, Marshall, the PIT defense, and Mike Wallace (that guy, again!), but was hurt by off days from his RBs as all three totaled just over 20 pts combined. The biggest failure, however, came as Bobby continues to throw Jake Delhomme out as a starting QB! Why is ANYBODY playing Delhomme at this point in the season? The guy has thrown for 5 TDs this season....Brady did that in one quater a few weeks ago! I'm as confused with that selection as I am when I listen to Ozzie Guillen explain life in the clubhouse........

......wait, Ozzie...........
You're not "A" Jose Canseco? Are there more than one Jose Canseco-s?????
It's not baby doll or blow doll....it's a "blow-up" doll!
What's a cloo-house????
What did you say after "this is my 30 years"????
Only 3 people know you because they whip you everyday????
Holy crap.....somebody get me an English to Spanish-gibberish interpreter!
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In the last game of the week, The Burner headed into Monday night down by 40 pts to Bulldogs. Chris received excellent days from his starting RBs of DeAngelo and Addai , but had uncharacteristically bad numbers from Flacco and McNabb which forced him to sit uncomfortably and watch as Styx still had 4 players to go on Monday. There must have been an outstanding inspirational speech given before that game, because Styx hammered out nearly 80 points during the Monday night-er to come away with a 208-170 win! As a matter of fact, rumors are that the anchor of Styx's team, Mike Vick, didn't emerge from the locker room after the speech. I wonder what could've happened?..........................

Styx: A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms. Enthusiasms, enthusiasms... What are mine? What draws my admiration? What is that which gives me joy? Fantasy Football! A man, a man stands alone at the keyboard. This is the time for what? For individual achievement. There he stands alone. But in the field, what? Part of a team. Teamwork... Looks, throws, catches, hustles. Part of one big team. Scores himself the live-long day. MJD, Big Ben, and so on. If his team don't score... what is he? You follow me? No one. Sunny day, the stands are full of fans. What does he have to say? I'm goin' out there for myself. But... I get nowhere unless the team wins.

Damn, Mike.........maybe you should've worn your helmet for that speech!
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Well, that's it for this week, boys. There are currently 6 teams sitting at 5-4 with 4 weeks to play until the playoffs are set. So keep plugging away with your team and get things right before week 14 gets here. I'm out of here like Tommie Harris after throwing a punch at a Cardinals lineman (that still had his helmet on!) on Sunday. Nice move, dip-shit....at least you hit something before getting ejected!

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And I have a very personal "I'm outta here" this week.......... I'm outta hear like that dude that thought it would be a good idea to point a gun at a couple of guys from my unit last Friday night! (Who's the good looking dude at 0:55 in the black uniform with "POLICE" on the back????)

That dude is now dead.......So long, fuckface!
By the way Don, I think you're right about the Crypt Keeper (pause the video at 1:45 and compare/contrast. Fucking crazy!).....................
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Week 8 Update

Well, boys, I made it home safely from a trip to the Windy City where I got to watch the Bears take it to the hapless Brownies as 3 other unnamed players from this very league annoyed and pestered me to the point where I needed to be blind drunk in order to enjoy their company. I came home a couple of pounds heavier and missing my trusty travel grill that was unceremoniously destroyed by a less talented and jealous fantasy manager. Hey...does anybody smell raw hamburger???? And where did the rest of my Maker's go???? Anyways...enough with the inside jokes. Let's get to some football...here's how things looked from where I sat....
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In matchup number one, the commish took one on the chin as Chris came through with enough points on Monday night to send the Utes back down to .500. Lackluster performances from Cutler, Schaub, and Sims-"Get-Me-A-"Walker wasted monsters from Hightower, Harvin, and Gore. The big blow to the Mighty One, however, came as every-week, no-question starter at TE, Owen Daniels, was carted off the field after trying to scratch his inner thigh with his ankle. Hope you have fond memories of all those leaping catches, big man, because you won't be doing that again for a long, long time!
Chris had solid days from most of his squad capped off with McNabb and DeAngelo flexing for huge days against worthy opponents. But was that Torry Holt in their as your flex play???? What is this, the year 2000????? Nice play! Why don't you clear a spot on your bench for Ed McCaffery and Eric Moulds...I believe they are sitting by their phones. Better get that flex spot right before playoff time...the commish has his lineup ready to roll come week 14!
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The second contest end with two teams 10 points apart and both with records of 4-4 as "The Battle of the Original Fantasy Names" pitted Jason Campbell against Brandon Jacobs. Hey fellas, the Screen Writer's Guild just phoned me here in the home office and wondered if you two were available to fly to L.A. and do some creative writing for the comeback attempt that is going to be made of Cop Rock...that show could use of couple of imaginative guys like yourselves! Anyways, Bobby posted a solid score on the arm of Brees and the legs of Wayne. His team was hurt, however, as his RBs had their usual ho-hum performances and Marshall and Scheffler took the Broncos/Ravens game off to head over to Mick O'Shea's for a few cold ones while they were in Baltimore.
Don brought home the victory with a steadfast outing from his whole squad topped with immense games from Forte (although it was against Cleveland) and The Sanchise, Mark Sanchez. Mark proved after a good day against a good defense that Oakland isn't the only place where he can say, "Ask me about my wiener!".

Excuse me, Mark....but do you happen to have any Grey Poupon????
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In our "Excuse me, but this game must be played" contest, Robert was able to comfortably triumph over the woeful mb3 crew. Sweat again rolled with a QB that didn't play and got sorry days from Fitz, Lance Moore, the Arizona D, and Marshawn Lynch. Is it just me, or does Lynch look like his face was on fire and somebody tried to put it out with a fork???? In any case, Robert was able to take advantage of Sweat's disgusting bunch and move his team up to 2-6 on the year on the shoulders of S-Jax finally having a big day and the rest of his troop scoring respectable numbers. Robert has manged to build up a semi-decent lineup lately, but, as of now, this once promising manager has gone the way of global warming, acid rain, and methane gas....sounded scary to begin with, but never really did anything devastating.
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Our fourth contest was a 46 point win by the Maker's Mark spiked DewDriver over the absolute worst 4-4 club ever assembled, captained by none other than Styx. Driver got consistent games from nearly his whole squad (minus his kicker, whom never seems to get him anything other than a prize collection of goose eggs!) and another week of over-projected scores from the red-hot Favre and Vinny Jax. This was a good effort from a good team.......and then there was The Burner! Eight players that scored in the single digits including two (yes, two!) QBs that combined for 10.69 pts. If not for two RBs in Jones-Drew and Turner that scored more than half of the team's total, we may have seen a record low day from the smoldering Burner. Styx has gone from fantasy dominance to fantasy doormat right in front of our eyes. Hey, Stumps, I've got Jeff Fisher on the line. He wants to talk to you about how easy it is to go from first to worst! "Hey Jeff? It's Jeff. Keep your head up buddy. Better days are ahead...." Wait a minute. Who was talking to who there? Fisher to Coker or Coker to Fisher? I guess that conversation explains why Styx was recently sited wearing a Johnny Utah jersey. Because he wanted to feel like a winner!
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Our next tilt was a laugher as Magic Johnson (finally a name change....take note all you other lazy bastards!) scrubbed the toilet with Rug Dr's face. Sean continued rolling with superior QB, WR (T.O. and Mike Thomas????? Didn't need them against Wes, but it worked real good for your overall points!), and DEF plays along with another stout effort from CJ....better get those other 2 RBs right,though, Sean,...the playoffs are right around the corner and Moreno and Bush ain't gonna cut the turd around here! By the way, you owe me a new charcoal grill!!!! You are banned from the updates from here on OUT until I receive a replacement travel-buddy! This "accident" was a travesty! That grill had been to more Bears games with me than anybody except Andy! Pay up...or stay down!
On a different note, I'm not going to even go into Wes' team....ok, maybe a little! His second QB was Kellen Clemens (who wasn't even as good of a play this week as Kerry Collins or Kevin Curtis or the KC defense) and he had only three players that scored over 12 points. Nice effort, Wes. With this latest destruction, Wes moves into a dominate position to attempt a feat that I don't believe has ever been completed before. That feat would be to finish dead last in this league in back-to-back seasons! Keep it up, Wesley. The Kansas City Royals, New York Knicks, and Oakland Raiders are cheering for you (but only because they want a perennial loser to add to their list!).
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Our final challenge of the week was a battle for the top spot in the league and a strong hold on the $100 regular season champ prize. This, however, didn't turn out to be much of a competition as That Guy put a 50+ point stomping on Ahmad Bradshaw (witty team name!). Kos manged to overcome a .3 pts from the recently ousted Steve Slaton as the rest of his squad brought home the bacon (Good thing for that #1 priority, huh, Kos?). Sunto got suck-ass days from his whole team as he apparently forgot to check the Sunday inactives and left Mega-Sprain in his lineup. Barely breaking 100 pts in a 2 QB league is NOT championship worthy, Sunto! This beating made me think back to another famous beating............(Scene starts with Kos walking into a bar where Utah is trying to eject Sunto who is sitting with Rivers, Orton, Collie, Hester, Sidney Rice, Bradshaw, Ronnie Brown, Vernon Davis, Megatron, Tynes, and the New Orleans D)

Utah: Fellas, you's ain't dressed properly and you're gonna have to leave.
Sunto: Properly? What's wrong with the way we're dressed?
Utah: Kos, these gentlemen ain't dressed right. I asked them to leave.
Kos: Is there a problem here?
Sunto: The problem is your man here says we not properly dressed like our money ain't green. We just want a couple of beers.
Kos: A few beers? That's it?
Sunto: That's it. We'll be on our way. We ain't looking for trouble.
Kos: Spoken like a gentleman. Give them the beers, huh.
Sunto: Appreciate it.
Kos: No problem.
..................
Sunto: Alright, brothers, if I may. A toast to our host. In the name of the father, and the son, and the holy ghost!
Kos: Hey!
Sunto: Oh, you again, huh?
Kos:That wasn't very nice. Now you's gotta leave.
Sunto: I'll tell you when the fuck we leave, alright? Get the fuck away from here.
Kos: Now you's can't leave.
Utah: (I will never forget the look on their faces. All eleven of them, their faces dropped. All their courage and strength was drained right from their bodies. They had a reputation for breaking up fantasy teams, but they knew that instant they made a fatal mistake. This time they walked into the wrong fantasy team.)
****Kos charges into the bar room with Rogers, Ryan, Cribbs, Driver, Housh, Slaton, LT, Zach Miller, Ray Rice, Gould, and the Miami D as they proceed to beat the hell out of Team Bradshaw****
Kos: Look at me! I'm the one who did this to you. Remember me!.......You ruined my whole fucking lunch!

Damn, Sunto....you might want to find a new place to go drinking!
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Well, that's it for this week boys! The separation between playoff quality teams and Toilet Bowl quality teams are beginning to take shape, but don't slip because that line isn't quite drawn yet. I'm out of here like Larry Johnson after a few choice Tweets towards my head coach. Nice play, douchebag! Anybody know a good place to buy a house in Oakland????