Week 3 Update

Another week in the book, boys! There were a few exciting developments this weekend as the Bears traveled to the Pacific Northwest and were able to hold off the neon-green clad Hawks to stay in the hunt in the NFC North as Cutler said, "So long, Denver....Go long, Devin"! (There is a desktop wallpaper available with that saying on Google Images if anyone is interested.....and I know you are!) Also, Buckeye CableSystem unveiled the RedZone channel in its HD-Pack....I may never leave the basement again! Gone are the days of having to sit through the Lions and Browns games to get halftime highlights from the wacky Fox crew! Oh, technology..............Here's how things looked from where I sat.
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In out first game of the week, Andy was able to beat Sweat (What????? Are you serious?????? I never saw that coming!!!!!!). Was that a 78 TOTAL points?!?! The fact that Sweat was beaten was not the story as he continues to trot out his squad of players that would find themselves right at home on The Island of Misfit Toys! I half expect to open up the matchup page someday in the near future and find out his starting QB, RB, and WR are Hermey the Dentist, The Cowboy that Rides an Ostrich, and Charlie-In-The-Box. I mean, come on man.....Joey Galloway?!?! David Boston just called and wondered if you needed him as a bye-week replacement!
Andy, on the other hand, used a trio of Eagles to roll to victory. DeSean Jackson, LeSean McCoy, and Kevin Kolb (good thing for injuries, huh?) all had big days for team Douche-Driver. That sure is a whole lot of Philadelphians on one team....why not just roll out next week with Randall Cunningham, Reggie White, Ron Jaworski, Mike Quick, and Vince Papale!!!! Don't get your hopes up, Douche-Driver, because you aren't gonna be facing a team of this caliber every week!
Douche-Driver:"Excuse me, Utah, but my name is spelled wrong."
Utah: "Nothing personal, but is it really gonna matter?"



Hey, Andy. When I told you not to get your hopes up..........didn't mean that I wasn't!!!!!
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In the second contest, Don shot down Wes even though Wes posted a rock solid score of 163. JJ came through against the leaky Bears secondary for a TD reception and the galloping Frenchman Pierre Thomas was "tres bien" at Buffalo and posted 33 pts. This is gonna be a tough one to swallow, Wes, but might I recommend a twelve of Natty Light and the BK Quad-Stacker to help ease the pain. Just make sure you have plenty of full-fat mayo on hand for dipping purposes and this loss will be forgotten by beef patty number two!

Don was able to come up with his first "W" of the season as Jason Campbell and Santana Moss scored him 38 and 34 points respectively. I'm not sure how many weeks out of the season you can count on 'Skins players, but they were facing the Lions this week and we all know that that translates into fantasy gold. Kurt Warner had a decent game, although he is beginning to show his age and reminding me a bit of Broadway Joe Namath after he showed up at that Monday Night game a few years ago........................(starts at 0:48 in the clip)
"Hey Joe, it's been a tough season for Don's fans. What does it mean to you now when Don's team is struggling?" "I wanna kiss Don! I couldn't care less about Don stugg-a-ling. What we know is, Don can improve.....Don's looking to next season. He's looking to make a noise now and...I wanna kiss Don!...YEAH!"



I never knew Joe was such a Don Comes fan......weird!
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Styx tasted defeat for the first time as Kos came into town and smacked down his 162 with a 167. Kos finally got a good game from his keeper, Aaron Rogers, and rode strong performances from his entire lineup minus TJ (How'd that trash talkin' about the Bears work out for ya, Housh?) and K2. Apparently when Winslow said, "We don't give a damn about nothin' but this U", he was including not giving a damn about receptions or yardage!
Styx may have been able to pull off the victory, however, for some reason, Michael Vick was slotted in as his second QB. Although, the .9 pts that Vick got was actually more than the -3 pts his other QB, Mark Bulger, totaled on the day. Damn, Stumps, who are you gonna pick up for next week???? Heath Shuler? Andre Ware? Tim Couch? David Klingler? This is a 2 QB league....not a half-QB league!









If you need help that badly Styx, (with the fact that The Eagles are on a bye next week and Bulger is injured, you DO need help that badly) might I make a suggestion? I might have just the guy for you. He's famous, available (for now), and has the genes to fit right onto your team. That's right......................................................................................Marcus Vick!!!! I mean, if you can't get the older, better looking, more talented, and smarter brother, you might as well get somebody that's related to him. At least that's the principal that all the girls that date Andy go by!
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Bobby was able to best his son in their matchup despite an off day from big guns like Drew Brees and Steve Smith (10.8 and 5.8), but Reggie Wayne put in work out in the desert to the tune of 28 and that was enough to push Bobby Over the Top.

Why would you do something like that to you son, Bob?
Bobby: When I get to that Sunday, that person, whoever they are they're my mortal enemy. I hate them!"
Ok, Ok. Take it easy. So, being number one is very important to you, huh?
Bobby: "Being number one is everything. There is no second place. Second sucks!"
I can see that. Well, that being said, don't you think you could've eased off on your offspring just a little bit?
Bobby: I drive truck, break arms, and play fantasy football. It's what I love to do. It's what I do best!
Ok....back to you, Utah!
(Sorry if some of you haven't seen Over the Top, I guess you should be a bit more into classic Americana theater!)

Well, what can I say about the week that Robert had? I believe it can beat be described as a horrible pile of shit! Four of his players scored two point or less as Bowe snuck into the lineup even though he was inactive and Byron Leftwich tossed out a 1.33! Guess it's time to go back to JaMarcus, Robert! That should really get things turned around! Your pile of shit team is really bringing this league down, Robert. Please get your act together and stop polluting this league with your trash! In the words of Woodsy the Owl, " Give a hoot, Robert. Don't pollute! Hoot, Hoot!". Clean up that team, man!!!!
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In the second-to-last matchup this week, Sunto was beaten by Chris as Sunto used sub-of-the-week, Tashard Choice to grind out 25 points, but all the WRs and the TE on his team did their very best impressions of Tedd Ginn and Roy Williams and dropped everything thrown their way! This just wasn't you week, Sunto. Take solace in the fact that your team isn't gonna perform like it was drafted by one of the Kepler brothers every week and Matt Ryan isn't always gonna play like Irene Ryan (Yeah..that's Granny from the Beverly Hillbillies!).

Chris came through with his first victory of the year with the help of Flacco (32 pts), even though he was forced to start a Cleveland QB (Quinn= 2 pts). That's gonna hurt as Quinn gets the starting job yanked from him and McNabb doesn't play next week (time to start the wheelin'-and-dealin'). Might I throw out some sage-like advice to you, Chris, that comes from one of the world most trusted philosophers.....Vanilla Ice. When it comes to Brady Quinn I will give you the same advice that the Vanilla one gave his love interest in the classic Cool as Ice, "Drop that zero, and get with a hero!" Truer words have never been spoken....Word to your mutha!!!!

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And now we come to our last game this week! Coming into this Sunday, the Indomitable Johnny Utah was feeling quite a bit of trepidation. Sunday morning brought the announcement that oft-injured (and Utah's 2nd RB) Broken Brian Westbrook was going to be spending his sabbath kicked back in a La-Z-Boy. Utah was disappointed, but not heartbroken. Then, at about 1:05pm Eastern, Fragile Frank Gore heads to the locker room via medi-cart after only a single carry. (Just to be clear, that would be a COMBINED 0.6 pts from the first two round picks of the prodigious one.) Utah was bordering on the verge of hopelessness at this point. The topper came, however, a little later in the day when the guy I drafted (unhappily) as a #1 WR, Terrible Terrell Owens, posted ZERO catches for ZERO yards! What was Utah to do? Two RBs and a WR score less than a point.....nobody could come back from a deficit that big! But then again...this team wasn't assembled by just anybody, was it? A funny thing happened at the end of the day. I checked the matchup score and saw that I had a 50 point lead and Sean had only Romo and Roy Williams to play on Monday night. Those guys don't go big....they go home! When the going gets tough....those guys just go! It was just about then that I realized what was about to happen, and I........Jizzed in my Pants!!!!



Schaub threw for 41 and I.......Jizzed in my Pants!
Cutler tossed for 31 and I........Jizzed in my Pants!
Harvin went off (again) for 25 and I...........Jizzed in my Pants!
Jizzed in my Pants, Jizzed in my Pants.
Cedric ran for 17 against a stingy Steelers "D" and I...............Jizzed in my Pants!
The Denver "D" shutdown Oakland for 19 and I..........Jizzed in my Pants!
Chris Johnson (a very unoriginal team name...why don't you change that) could only muster 140 pts with a full team and I.............Jizzed in my Pants!

Now I'll go home and change!
I guess I'd better call Timberlake over, cuz I'm gonna need a cleanup in aisle 3, also!
How can somebody manage to put together such a dominate squad when they drafted out of the 11th hole????
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Well that's it for this week, gents. I hope you've got your teams right because the bye weeks are comin' and we no longer have any undefeated teams left. The league is wide open so come get some! I'm outta here like Pat Swayze.....the Double Duece has been closed for the last time by the best cooler in the business! Pain don't hurt!

Week 2 Update

Good Morning, boys! It's a great week to be alive as this past weekend was filled with joy for Utah as the Bucks and Bears both won (Jeff Reed is available on the waiver wire if anyone is in need of a kicker that misses EVERY kick he attempts!) and this writer was able to pound out victories in all three of his fantasy leagues (anyone surprised?....more on that later!). But you don't want to hear about me as much as I do, so let's have a look at this week's contests...........Here's how things looked from where I sat.
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In the first tilt of the week, Bobby absolutely cleaned Wes' clock with the help of big days from Drew Brees (again) and Freaky Freddie Jackson. Get all you can out of that guy, Bob, cuz I got a feeling that in about a week-and-a-half, that guy will be about as valuable in fantasy circles as Fred Savage, Fred Flinstone, Fred McGriff, or Fred Rogers......So pull on that sweater from out of the closet and tie on that pair of comfortable shoes, Freddie, cuz Marshawn is due back in two weeks. Don't worry, though, you'll always have Mr. McFeely, X the Owl, Purple Panda, and King Friday to keep you company in the Land of Make Believe! (Maybe you can make-believe that you are still a relevant fantasy football player.) As for Wes' team.....well, what can I say? When I saw that two WRs did not record a single catch, the third WR was Bubba Caldwell, the "starting" RB combo of Lendale and JJ totalled 13 pts, and the 2nd overall pick posted a non-Brady-like 12 pts, I wanted to call 911 and get some help sent out for his squad. Luckily, I didn't have to because Wes had purchased the amazing product featured below.......the part of Wes' is played by Mrs. Fletcher and he appears at 0:28 in this clip! (Sound quality is a bit low, so you will need to up your volume a bit).



What's the monthly rate on that LifeCall, Wes? I need to look into one, because your team is giving me chest pains!
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The second contest was a toe-to-toe affair as Styx managed to out due Robert despite being up by only a point going into Monday night with only Dallas Clark to go against Robert's Peyton Manning. Amazingly, Clark scored only a fraction of a point less than Manning to give Styx the "W"! This was an epic battle that reminded me of one of the greatest battles of all time. I am speaking, of course, of Rocky Balboa v. Apollo Creed in Rocky II. In fact, when I saw the final score, I had a vision pop into my head of the movie from a bit of a different perspective...........
(Scene Opens): A sleepless, unshaven, and beaten down Styx leans onto the hospital bed of his gay lover, Sean. Gay Sean, weak from a long night of taint-licking and cum guzzling, has lapsed into a coma and lays motionless on a gurney (inexplicably without any machines or even an IV.....I always thought that was weird!). Gay Styx, who even though he is scheduled to fight the WBA champ, Robert, soon, refuses to leave the bedside of his homo partner. After several days and restless nights filled with Gay Styx reading books to and writing poetry for his lover, Gay Sean finally awakens and clears the spoo-crust from his mouth long enough to tell Gay Styx that he only wants Gay Styx to do one thing......"Win"! Gay Styx immediately charges from the hospital and begin a grueling training regimen to prepare him to fulfill the request of his life partner. The battle between Gay Styx and Robert finally comes to fruition a few days later and is an all-out slugfest. Back and forth they go into the 15th round until a simutaneous punch sends both combatants to the ground. As referee Utah begins the count, both fighters attempt to climb the ropes in an effort to get back on their feet. As the count reaches nine, Robert realizes that he just doesn't have enough stamina left and collapses in the corner. Gay Styx, however, manages to stagger to his feet as referee Utah counts 9...10! Victory for Gay Styx! The fag is so overjoyed with the win that he grabs the microphone and calls out to his recovering boyfriend at home, "Yo, Sean! I did it! (Scene fades).............................. Does anyone else's mind work like that...or is it just me?????
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The next tilt was the "Battle of Someone Has to Win This Ass-fest". Both squads came in struggling with Sweat being forced to use Lance Moore and Domenik Hixson and Don entrenched in a committee of RBs that may have seen their better days. This is not 2007, Mr. Comes. I was thinking about some advice to give you guys on your teams, and I think Ferris Bueller said it best when he said, "The fantasy season moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you may miss it.". I agree, Ferris. They may also miss the playoffs....and their entrance fees! Sigh........this matchup makes my head hurt. I'm going to take an Excedrin and move on!
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Sean was able to get the best of Chris who dropped to 0-2 on the season, but who had to have breathed a huge sigh of relief as the two WRs that he traded the best player in fantasy football for finally came through. Colston had a big day catching passes from "Poopy Cheek" Brees and Andre Johnson went off like he was Andre 3000! "Matt Schaub don't mess around, and yes he loves me so, and this I know for sho'.......(clap, clap)". Hey-Ya, indeed, Mr. Johnson! But even this output was not enough to combat Sean's unit because Chris Johnson ran the ball as if his hair was on fire! Thankfully, his hair didn't actually ignite because if it had, it would have made the wildfires in California seem like a two-log bonfire....."Mommy, why does that man have the Hindenburg on his head?" If Chris' head was on fire, Sean, maybe you could call in that broke-ass trio of WRs you have to put it out, cuz those guys are ice-fucking-cold! Was that a negative sign before Donnie Avery's score???? That ain't gonna cut it against the big boys, Haus!
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In the fifth contest,, Sunto was able to stay unbeaten even though I'm pretty sure that 3 of his 4 WRS are #2s and #3s and his flex this week was Bobby Meachem......didn't that guy play for the Yankees in the 80's? Andy gave it a go with the Johnson brothers (DeSean and Vinny) and Favre, but was undone by the continued poor play of Eddie Royal. "You know what they call a shitty WR with cheese in France?" "An Eddie Royal with cheese!"
Sunto used the lawfirm of Rivers, Ryan, and Brown to send Andy a "Cease and Desist" order demanding that Andy stop trying to win with such a medicre team......
Sunto: Your Honor, I move to have the defendant, Andrew Welling, remanded into custody immediately on a charge of embezzling draft picks that he has no intention of using on quality players and a charge of impersonating an exceptional fantasy football manager!"
Andy: "Objection, Your Honor. I am an exceptional fantasy manager."
Judge: "Allow me to look over your record in your fantasy leagues.......Oh, Jesus.....One and Five????? OBJECTION OVERRULLED! You are an ass-awful fantasy manager!
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In the last contest this week, order was finally restored to the world. Kos' team scored its anticipated mediocre score of 141 pts and would have tallied the projected 148 if Hasselbeck hadn't gone down with what the Hawks are calling a "rib injury" (We all know that he probably is in need of another back-eotomy.............Hello, Matt Casell, eh, Kos?). But the story of the week was the monstrous performance put on by the squad that takes its name from "The Beehive State". That's right...the once-again Mighty Johnny Utah. No...this performance was more than merely mighty. It was historic! It was a landmark! It was astronomical!!!! Never before in the history of this league had a score of 239 been posted! You heard it right...I scored more points this week than had EVER been scored before! There have been a few 200 point games every season (even a 228 game last season), but NEVER anything like this! This was the paramount performance of the pigskin! The Mount Rushmore of rotisserie leagues! I mean, seriously, people........If I was a movie, I would be "The Godfather". If I was an album, I would be The Beatles' "White Album". If I were a boxer, I would be Cassius Clay. If I were a cartoon, I would be drawn by Chuck Jones. If I were a villian, I would be Hannible Lector. If I were a super-villian, I would be Lex Luthor. If I were a guitarist, I would be Jimi Hendrix. If I were a novel, I would be "The Great Gatsby". If I were a magazine, I would be "The New Yorker". If I were a TV show, I would be "Cheers" (can't you just hear the chourus of, "Utah!!!!!" as I sauntered into the bar?). Are you starting to get the picture?????? This was the single greastest week of fantasy football ever assembled by one man....and it just so happens that that man is ME! No suprise here! Just when you shitbags thought that you had Johnny Utah right where you wanted him. Just when you thought that you may be able to keep him down for a season, here comes this score. Absolutely amazing. You know, this victory got me to thinking about a song that the great (but not as great as me) Bob Seger wrote about Johnny Utah back in the late 70's........................



Utah always won, everytime he placed a bet; Utah's still damn good, no ones gotten to him yet
Everytime they were sure they had Utah caught; He was quicker than they thought
He'd just turn his back and walk; Utah always said, the Schaub would never do him wrong
The trick he said was never play the Gore too long; A gamblers share, the only risk Utah would take
The only loss he could forsake; The only bluff he couldn't fake
And Utah's still the same; Kos caught up with him yesterday
Moving game to game; No one standing in Utah's way
Turning on the charm; Long enough to get him by
Utah's still the same; He still aims high

(Music plays while a tear falls down Kos' check as he laments on what might have been if he hadn't been facing such a fierce opponent) There Utah stood, everybody watched him play
Kos just turned and walked away; Kos had nothing left to say
Cause Utah's still the same; Utah's still the same
Moving game to game; Some things never change
Utah's still the same
(Music fades as Kos walks dejectedly out of the door, saddened by the ass-whoopin' just laid on him by the Mighty One)......

Don't get discouraged, Kos....at some point this season, you'll get to beat Sweat!
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Well, boys, that's another week in the books. Stayed tuned next week for more shenanigans from The Bearbacker league. But, for now, I'm out of here like Kanye West after a pint of Hennesey and a bum rush of the VMAs. "Hey, Sean, you had a good week. But Utah had the one of the best weeks of all time!" Was anybody else a little creeped out by that fiasco?????? That little stunt had me completely confused. The only thing that would have me more confused would be if I were to see an Asain dude in a Mexican hat!
Huh......what are the odds???????? Como Estas, mi amigo????????????

Week 1 Update

Well, boys, the last month of research and planning has finally come to an end as Week 1 in the NFL has finally kicked off. So let's make like Michael Phelps and dive right in! Uh...that was a swimming pool reference, Styx, I wasn't referring to Mr. Phelp's extracurricular activities at that party where some dude thought that it would be prudent to photograph an Olympic champion hoarking on a smoker! A little decorum, please, people!.................Here's how things looked from where I sat.


In the heartbreaking first contest of the season, Robert laid waste to the up-until-now Mighty Johnny Utah. This was a disappointing start for the Utes as the QB combo of Cutler 'N Schaub reminded me less of the wonderfully tasty candy treats known as Mike 'N Ikes and brought to mind the lesser, nasty tasting Good 'N Plentys....as in, neither was very GOOD and both threw PLENTY of interceptions! Combine that with Gonzo dropping in a heap after receiving an inside-leg kick from the invisible man and Breaston deciding that even after practicing fully on Friday that Sunday seemed like a good day to call in sick (in a minor roster snafu, the Utes had no replacement!....Fuck me!) and you had what amounted to a steaming pile of shit from the commish! The lone bright spot from Johnny Utah came as Cedric Benson managed to roll his carcass onto the field have a a great day. Cedric hasn't felt that comfortable since he was handed a 12 pack and a set of boat keys! "Sure I'm ok to brive this doat, officer."
Robert took advantage of the messy Utah situation and used strong days from the Grumpy Old Men, Byron Leftwich and Thomas Jones, to secure a week 1 victory.
..............-"Excuse me, Mr. Jones, have you seen Byron Leftwich?"
-"You mean the low-life, ass-wipe, egg-sucker Byron Leftwich?"
-"Have you seen him?"
-"The man's crazy. Loco. Always hanging out around those kinky strip bars. You know, the ones where the men take their clothes off. That's of course if Byron's taken his medication."
-"Medication?"
-"Yes, without it Byron could be anywhere. Wandering around talking to the trees. I'm telling you the man's a menace, he's always drinking, starting fights."..............
Maybe you should have taken that draft day bet, Robert!

In the second tilt, Wes blasted Sweat's lackluster squad with what can only be described as the most impressive feat in Seattle history. What is the most impressive feat in Seattle history, you ask? The Space Needle? The birthplace of Nirvana? The starting point for the Starbucks franchise? All good choices, but none of them correct. The most impressive feat in Seattle history is having the combination of Julius Jones and John Carlson score 48 points on Wes' fantasy football team! Truly amazing! If they could only play the Rams every week and figure out a way to make that bitter Starbucks coffee cost less than a house payment, Seattle would be unstoppable! As for Sweat's squad, I'm thinking that Domenik Hixson in the flex spot might not be the way to go. I'm thinking that if you want to go with a NYG receiver as a flex, maybe Phil McConkey or Mark Bavaro is available on the waiver wire! God knows that you could roll either of them onto the field and come away with at least 2 points! While you are at it, why don't you scoop up Otis "My Man" Anderson and Joe Morris while you are at it! Damn, Sweat, your team makes me want to yell out like Clara Peller in 1984....................................



In the closest matchup of the week, Kos outlasted Chris to win by just over 7 points. Kos used a solid day from "Go Deep" Devin and "Matty Ice" Hasselbeck to push through average days from LT and Slaton (better get used to that Kos, those guys ain't what they used to be). The Peterson-less BULLDOGS (man that 43 pt game from Flacco would have looked good next to a 49 pt day from ADP!) couldn't quite make up enough ground to take this match, thanks in large part to the Dallas DEF posting a meager 2 points and the use of both Ted Ginn AND Torry Holt as starters! I think the below video best describes Chris' thought process before trading away Peterson and Grant as well as when he was cutting and pasting together his starting team...............


....................Hey, Chris, I'll give you some Cheez-Its and a Rolo for Deangelo!

Question...how do you get 60 pts from a QB and 33 pts from a WR and still lose? Well, you have Jake Delhomme as your second QB! Right, Bobby? The Snake came to the table this week with a NEGATIVE four pts! Jake Delhomme actually looked like the present day Jake "The Snake" Roberts in this contest. No, not the Jake Roberts that was the headliner at countless WWF events. I'm talking about the Jake Roberts that was holed up in a cut-rate hotel room smoking the glass dick! Put down that pipe, Delhomme, and pick up that clipboard. AJ Feely needs somebody to track his stats! Styx actually had this conflict wrapped up on Thursday night as Big Ben and Santonio Holmes passed all over the Titans secondary as the NFL kicked off the 2009-2010 season. Ben bent over Tenneesse's defense like a VIP host at the Lake Tahoe Harrah's. Ben, do you really have to go all the way to Tahoe to bag a big-toothed chubby-chubskins? I'm sure there are plenty fatties in the Steel City that need some attention....I'm just sayin'.

Another question.....how long are people gonna take Braylon Edwards seriously as a fantasy football player? With all the balls that pass through his hands, this guy should be changing his name to Shyla Stylez! I mean, damn, with a few more balls, Braylon is gonna be in the running for AVN award for Best Male Newcomer! And he was at it again this week as he posted a disgusting 1.7 pts to all but disspell the 42 pts that Sean got from Tony Romo as Andy got the best of Sean in their tet'a'tet. Andy rode a nearly 50 pt day from Adrian Peterson to victory like Peter North having his way with any 18 year-old that wants to come to Chatsworth to try her hand at starring in the next installment of North Pole. And, no, gentlemen, there will be no video in this section of the recap. I'm sure you can all find a clip or sixty on your favorite website!

And that brings us to our final clash of the week.....Sunto vs. Don. This was a good old fashioned beat down of Old West proportions as Sunto nearly doubled Don's output and sent Mr. Comes flying through a set of those rickety swinging bar doors and out onto the dusty street at high noon. As a matter of fact, it brings a certain movie to mind for me. It goes something like this if I remember it correctly.........(Read along below the clip starting at 1:21)......

Don:Christ almighty, it's like I'm sittin' here playing cards with
my brother's kids or somethin', you nerve-wracking sons-of-bitches.
Don:Is somethin' on your mind?
Sunto:Just want to let you know you're sittin' in my chair.
Don:Is that a fact?
Sunto:Yeah, it's a fact.
Don:For a man that don't go heeled, you run your mouth kinda reckless, don't ya?
Sunto:No need to go heeled to get the bulge on a tub like you.
Don:Is that a fact?
Sunto: Mm-hmm. That's a fact.
Don:Well, I'm real scared.
Sunto:Damn right, you're scared. I can see that in your eyes.
Don:All right now!
Sunto:Go ahead. Go ahead, skin it! Skin that smoke wagon and see what happens.
Don: Listen, Sunto, I-I'm gettin' awful tired of your...
(Sunto slaps Don across the face)
Sunto:I'm gettin' tired of your gas. Now jerk that pistol and go to work.
(slaps Don again)
I said throw down, boy.
(Slaps Don a third time)
You gonna do somethin',or just stand there and bleed? No? I didn't think so.
Here, Utah, a keepsake. Hang it over the bar. All right, youngster, out you go.
Don't come back! Ever!

Dang, Don, are you gonna do something? Or are you just gonna stand there and bleed????????

Well that's it for this week boys. There will be more to come next week, I'm sure. So for now, I'm outta here like Tila Tequila after getting chocked OUT by "Lights OUT". I don't think that dude has ever touched steriods! Do you?